Imagine with me for a moment that you are a woman with a really nice head of hair. You are minding your own business riding TriMet home on New Year’s Eve. Suddenly you realize that the man sitting behind you has cut off all of your hair and then squirted super glue where your ponytail once was. Police have charged Portland resident Jared Weston Walter with a host of crimes stemming from what they say are multiple incidents of random cutting and gluing of women’s hair. The media has named him “The TriMet Barber”. This crime has got me thinking.
-If you want to cut off hair and glue hair, go to beauty school then take a hair extension class. You can actually get paid to do this.
- If you are a woman in the Portland area and you have a jacked up haircut from the “TriMet Barber”, bring me the police report and I will be glad to give you a complimentary haircut.
As I was looking for Vidal Sassoon haircut videos on EBay I came across a disturbing seller named “mrhaircutter” who seems to have created an entire business selling videos of women who are not happy about getting a short haircut. Who on Earth would pay to watch this? Maybe I’m old fashioned in that I enjoy giving someone a haircut that they actually LIKE.
In celebrity news, reality star Kate Gosslin paid stylist Ted Gibson
$7,000 for new head of hair extensions. Ted claims that the process took twenty hours to complete. Fifteen of those hours were spent trying to convince her to cut her bangs short. I don’t think that this looks like a $7,000 job, but at least America will no longer have to suffer another day of looking at her tri color reverse female mullet.
I had a customer recently call me with a rather strange request. He was looking for a stylist who would do both the shampoo and the cut. That seems straightforward enough I thought to myself.
He was also looking for a male stylist who “Has a lot of body hair…. particularly on his hands and forearms.” I paused for a moment. This has got to be a joke I thought to myself. Then again maybe it wasn’t. Maybe there is a person out there that needs a human gorilla to do their service. I glanced at my hands and arms. I see only a moderate to light amount of arm hair. “Uh.. Yea, I’m not going to be able to help you with that one.” I said.
And finally….. This afternoon while driving to Trader Joe’s I snapped a photo of this man on the corner of NE 33rd Ave and Broadway. He had a cardboard sign that read “Out of Gas- Stranded” He gets a gold medal for smoking a cigarette with a gas can between his legs while checking his phone.
Welcome to 2010. It’s a rather strange year so far…….
